Archive for August, 2017


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id also just like to take a moment to welcome our Saudi friends.



spinach and feta filo without feta

20170820_164652another post so soon you ask? well, the feedback has been so overwhelming i felt it would be a shame to lose the momentum. its always been such a supportive community and i just want to thank you all for your ongoing appreciation. snow, i know how much you enjoy onions so this one’s for you ralphie.


2 boxes of frozen spinach, defrosted and drained of their disgusting, fetid green juices

half a bunch of spring onions (or most of a bunch as per the above) finely chopped

2 whole onions very finely chopped

350g feta crumpled. i used cheese de goat. i dont see what all the feta fuss is about

4 eggs beaten

half a cup of oil


melted butter (maybe 100g? its just for brushing on pastry so who can say)

1 pack filo pastry (which needs to be left either in the fridge overnight or for 2 hours at room temp. no one told me. nothing comes easy)


mix spinach, onions, spring onions and cheese together

in a separatist bowl mix eggs, oil and pepper with a fork

pour egg mix into cheese and spinach mix – mix very well


brush the base of baking dish with melted butter

lay 2 layers of pastry then paint with butter

lay another 2 layers then paint with butter

then cut pastry in half and lay half pastry, slightly overlapping each other and paint with butter again. keep doing this until half the filo is used up

pour the filling in

then cover with the other half of the filo, painting each layer with butter as you go

bake for 45 mins at 180 degs


‘this cake is seminal’ – abu mumza, 2017


Some of you i know, some of you im meeting for the first time. those in the latter category, im not sure what youre doing here. so just bot off. those in the former category may remember this cake from such posts as butter cake.

circa 2010. simpler times. when we were kings. before we were doctors. before the great rupture of 2012. before all those that followed in its wake. back then things were smaller. tiny little bundt tins holding tiny little lives. things have slackened since. expanded. now we feast at the banquet and as we awake the next day, scratchy faced, puffy eyed, always a little heavier we ask ourselves the same questions: are we or are we not aliens? are there really tunes for bears to dance to? and where have all the children gone?


but in this age of bigger cakes and ontological anxiety, there are some truths we can cling to, some surfaces we can still touch. and as ceo, sheik humbali of armadale quoth, this cake is seminal. (not to be confused with simnel because marzipan is the devils food). the recipe remains unchanged. only bigger. and its happening below, from memory:

250g butter

2 cups sugar

4 eggs


3 cups self raising flour

salt (lots)

6 tbsp cream (mine smelt a bit off but jazz hands joz said its fine – its all probiotics. theme and variation on her other meme, it’ll all come out in the wash)

4 tbsp cocoa powder

the rest, you know by heart. cream butter and sugar, add eggs one at a time. add vanilla. add flour, salt then cream.

pour 3/4 of the mix into a buttered and floured bundt tin.

mix the cocoa powder into the remaining mix and then pour on top.

theres really no pouring involved. its more of a very reluctant dolloping consistency.

put in 175 degree oven. 1 hour. RING OFF



Chiffon cake

i made this with cara cara oranges, the queen of citrus. they occupy the netherworld betwixt orange oranges and blood oranges. they are probably too precious to juice for a cake but too perfect not to. here they are amidst the remnants of late capitalism:

they come in for a mere 2 months. there was some concern that cyclone debbie may have disturbed the supply chain but based on the findings of my recent investigation (and mostly based on their availability) the fears were found to be unfounded.

this cake is baked in a special tin. this is the tin. its specialty. you have to buy it from a specialty shop for specialty people. it has feet, just like you and i.

this recipe seems pretty watertight. im not thrilled by the absence of vanilla but i didnt want to expose the cake to any training that might derail his teachings…

here is the recipe.

5 large eggs (separated)

1.5 cups sugar

1.5 cups self raising flour

3/4 cup sunflower oil

3/4 cup orange juice (i strained mine)

1 tsp lemon zest

beat egg whites stiffly with 1/3 of the sugar (which i calculated to be 1/2 a cup…without a calculator)

beat yolks with sugar, then, on moderate speed, add flour and alternate with orange juice and lemon zest

then slowly pour in the oil and beat for a few seconds

fold in egg whites

bake at 160 degrees, fan for an hour

remove and turn upside down immediatement until completely cold. for blurry example:

then get a spatula in the sides to loosen cake and remove from tin (dont drag the spatula around the outside or you will tear at the fabric of reality. just gentle insertions therein thereof)

hopefully this doesnt happen to you

if it does its totes cool. just flip it and reverse it…

then make icing: half a cup lemon juice + 1.5-2 cups sifted icing sugar + lemon zest (just whatever til it looks like icing)

mix then drizzle

otherwise put, the first bird up, the worms are his.