Guest post – Cara Kejio

Some of us are laboring under a wintery sky and with it comes lurgi, flu and cabin fever. Much like Kurtz sometimes you just have to let go the thin veneer of modern society and just stay in bed watching movies with a laptop on your chest so you can keep warm. And it is here that this blog gets taken away from foods and other poncy things and directed towards the medicinal. The background of this questionably named, spelled and pronounced drink comes in equal parts from a Spanish taxi driver and my grandma from the old country. It became the standard drink at the Malthouse Theatre a few years ago for the bar staff about to face the onslaught of a 20 minute interval with 500 plus…patrons…demanding a “goblet of your cheapest”. This concoction seemed to make most of us a bit more “lively” than usual except that 18 year old kid, whatever his name was, who ended up retiring for the intermission with visions of gordian knots and proclamations later translated as “fffffaaaaarrrrrggggg”.
This, of course, is artistic license. But it does give a lad one hell of a kick up the pants when he needs it and a slight n-dimensional shift to the left when its not apparent.
So, take one wee little bottle of dram. You know what dram is ya heathen bastards! In this case I choose to use Drambuie but you could easily replace that with some sort of single malt, preferably from the Isle of Islay, but then if you did this to a shot of Glenrothes you deserve the full fury of the Scot.

Anyway, take a shot, 30ml or if you need to, 55ml, cos that’s the size of the smallest bottle and put it in a good glass that can take a bit of heat.

Add some soft brown sugar to it.

Warm up the old espresso machine. Did I mention you need one of these?
Stick said glass under the “steaming wand” and froth around a bit till its warm to touch and the sugar melts, whatever you fancy here but you could always use the temperature of frothed milk as a guide.

Then, take a cigarette lighter or similar, and FLAMBE! Just light it like you do any other medicine that the doctor forces you to drink. This actually serves little point other than burning off the alcohol and looking slightly dangerous. I say slightly because its very hard to see the resulting flames, so be sure to make sure you blow it out before continuing.

See how I said you can’t see the flames?

Grind up some fresh coffee.

Stick it under the espresso machine and espresso your favoured amount. If you have no espresso machine then ignore most of these instructions and just add some coffee to a bit of brandy or Stones Dry and Dry and celebrate easy living.

The finished result should be layered, you know cos of science and fluid dynamics and stuff. This means that when you take the glass to your mouth to sip, your lips taste coffee and then the dram shoots through down your gullet.

Not to be taken when completing uni assignments, operating machinery, having a domestic or any type of giving a shit. Be sure to enjoy, in moderation, as much as anyone should. When they are sick. Cough.

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8 Responses to “Guest post – Cara Kejio”


  1. 1 Matthieu May 28, 2010 at 9:19 pm

    but more importantly, here’s a tesla coil playing the frequencies that are audible to you and me as the Doctor Who theme. Our schleps has learned to appreciate this fine tv series. And no, thats not her in the faraday cage.

  2. 4 schlepseleh May 29, 2010 at 10:52 am

    its not something i understand entirely…except the espresso bit. but you do it well. my favourite was the flambee-ing that didnt result in personal injury or flames on your person. and thank you for giving a break to a tired, in all senses of the word, hack blogger. you are refreshing and resplendent and i like you and your drink a great deal. i like you more because you dont, most of the time, taste medicinal. (with the obvious exception of imbibing TCP – an unpleasantness i think we should all forget until the next wintering befalls us)

  3. 5 schlepseleh May 29, 2010 at 10:56 am

    ps. you write beautifully. and can i just clarify a few misconeceptions: 1. my community may be heathens but are never bastards. 2. none of them would know what a dram is…sometimes theyre heathen ignorants.

  4. 7 JJ May 29, 2010 at 4:39 pm

    baffled, though i am, this appears to be an elegant expression of the first law of thermodynamics. i am impressed by your words and clever application of theory, dr. kejio.


  1. 1 potatoes in whole spices « Fasting at the banquet Trackback on June 1, 2010 at 11:33 pm

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